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11-Apr-99

A Free Email Newsletter from Fred Langa About BrowserTune,
HotSpots, Columns, Tips & Tricks, and Other Activities

In This Issue:
BrowserTune2000 b1.4!
Serendipitous Scripting Errors
Netscape Updates
Win98/IE Updates
Fading Bruises
An Almost Great idea
Just For Grins
More!

As of Monday 11-Apr-99, around midday (EST, UT-5), BT2K version b1.4 will be ready! It's also the subject of my column in this week's online "Dialog Box" on the WINDOWS magazine site.

And you know, I'm glad the photo of me at the top of that column is over two years old. That way, you can't see where large clumps of hair are missing: I tore them out struggling with the most-requested feature of Browsertune2000.    8-)

The #1 request was for automated throughput testing. And in concept, it's simplicity itself. With a small JavaScript, you make note of the time, download a file of known length, and note the stop time. If you know exactly how many bytes were in the file, and how many seconds it took for the browser to grab the file, it's a piece of cake to calculate the sustained bytes per second, or throughput.

Many browsers, and even some dial-up add-ons, can show you your instantaneous throughput, but due to the fluid nature of the internet and the vagaries of ISP congestion and other factors, instantaneous throughput can be all over the place--- high one second, and low the next. BT2K's tests were designed to show you your throughput over a longer period, and thus more accurately reflect your connection's real performance:

The physical server holding the BT2K pages is in New York. When the throughput test runs, it instructs your browser to download a dummy file from the WinMag high-capacity server farm in California, and calculates the results. Presto! In a few seconds you can see exactly what your real-world, sustained throughput speed is.

Or rather, what your real-world, sustained throughput speed is at that moment, to that server. And there's the rub.

First, there's geography: Although most of BT2K's users are in North America, that still spans an enormous amount of acreage. Data for people on the East Coast of the US must traverse an almost 6,000 mile (almost 10,000 km) round trip to and from the California servers, for example. While the test results will be accurate, they're only representative for connections with a similar long data path.

Conversely, for people on the West Coast the results will be accurate, but only representative for connections with a similar short data path.

It's somewhat less of an issue for people outside the US (and there are many BT2K users from all over the world!). There, the extra distance may be a relatively short portion of the overall journey, and thus doesn't have as material an affect on the tests---at least in terms of throughput to other servers in the US.

Eventually, BT2K may run from servers around the world so people can compare local and long-distance test results. But the reality is that, at least for now, the US has more web sites and more internet connections than anywhere else: It's not nuts to have the tests US-based, for now.

But the tests still needed improvement, so the new version of the BT2K demo, debuting midday 12-Apr-99 significantly changes the throughput test and avoids the dependence on a single server.

Starting then, BT2K will run three separate throughput timing tests using servers in New York, California, and Florida. You can see the results separately (which allows you to isolate and identify geographically-related influences on your throughput) and also in the aggregate, giving you a much more accurate overall indication of your real-world throughput.

May I ask a favor? The tests take only a minute to run at http://www.browsertune.com/bt2kdemo/ . Can you try them, see what results you get, and then share your results (were they accurate?) in the discussion area starting around midday (EST; UT-5) on Monday April 11 1999; you can access the discussion via the front page at at http://content.techweb.com/winmag/ .

Ultimately, BrowserTune is your test, and I'm eager to ensure that you get accurate, reliable results. Your feedback will help ensure just that. Thanks!

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The current version of the web-scripting tests works fine for the majority of users, including most who use AOL's heavily-modified versions of Internet Explorer. I've tried the tests myself literally hundreds of times with every browser type and version I can get my hands on, and literally tens of thousands of users have run the tests successfully, in the aggregate using just about very browser you can imagine.

But a small number of people still report trouble, and of these users, the majority is using AOL's modified version of IE. I also have anecdotal evidence (but the number of reports are too small to draw concrete conclusions) that the CompuServe-modified version of the IE browser has similar issues. (Recall that AOL bought CompuServe some time ago, and the new "CompuServe 2000" is the AOL-flavor of CompuServe....)

AOL is extremely aggressing when it installs itself. Even if you have a perfectly good Internet connection set up, the AOL setup will install a duplicate dial-up adapter, duplicate TCP/IP protocols, and in some cases, a duplicate copy of Internet Explorer. The intentions are good, but the needless duplication and complexity seem to me to be asking for trouble.

Note that it's not all AOL: Some users of standard installs of IE and Netscape browsers also have trouble. But of those who report problems, more often than not, it's an AOL browser.

All this leads to several conclusions:

1) The AOL-modified versions of IE can work properly; thousands of AOL users have successfully completed the BT2K demo.

2) But, the AOL-modified versions of IE are more likely to have scripting problems than other versions, and stumble on pages other versions and other browser usually can run with no trouble.

3) BT2K's scripting tests--- though originally designed solely to time the performance of a browser's script engine, may also be good at sniffing out subtle problems in a browser installation: A properly-installed, fully-functioning browser will be able to handle the BT2K script test without trouble, but if your browser can't finish the tests, the problems may be in the browser rather than in the tests!

I'll be checking into this further to ensure that the tests themselves aren't causing the problem, but so far, it's looking like the tests themselves are fine.

This is good news, because BT2K is supposed to be a fast, automatic way to check a browser's performance and health. If it uncovers a problem, then the full-blown version of BT2K will help you track down and correct what's wrong.

So far, so good!

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Speaking of browsers, from the email I get about BT2K, it appears many Netscape users haven't upgraded to the current versions.

The current stand-alone version of Navigator is 4.08; the full version of Communicator is 4.51 (both use the same "guts" but are packaged differently and have different additional components).

You can tell what your current version is via the Help/About menu item. If you need a current Netscape browser, click here: http://www.netscape.com/download/index.html

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Microsoft has been busy with updates, too, and if you haven't checked the Update pages lately, you may have missed several recent upgrades, patches, or bug fixes. The most significant ones are:

• Microsoft virtual machine (changes IE's Java engine)
• Windows 98 Resource Kit TMC Security Update (a security fix for problems in the Windows Resource Kit Tools Management Console)
• DirectX 6.1 (updates Win98's the multimedia system services)
• Windows Continuous-Operation Fix (corrects a weird and very silly bug that causes Win98 to crash for no reason other than it's been left on too long)
• Internet Explorer 4.01 Service Pack 2 (a whole package of upgrades for people still running IE4.x)
• Windows Script Support (enhancements to the scripting engines)
• Windows Mobile Processor Update (fixes a bug in which some laptops report invalid results when queried for a processor serial number)
• Registration Wizard Update (a security improvement that lets you remove your hardware identification information from the Windows registry)
• Windows Media Player 6.1 (upgrade to Media Player for  Windows Media, Real Audio/RealVideo 4.0, QuickTime, AVI, WAV, MP3 and more)

You can update your system via the Start/Windows Update icon or by running wupdmgr.exe in your Windows directory.

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Thanks to all who wrote about the "death wish" note and other hostile mail I got from some fanatic members of the Mac community.

Reader Thomas Walusek (thomas@breezecom.com) offered a very cogent observation: "I too have been mystified by the MAC faithful's general responses," Tom wrote. "Here's an interesting quote that I came across the other day: 'Frantic orthodoxy,' said Reinhold Neihbur, 'is rooted in doubt, not faith.' "

Very interesting point, Tom, and dead on target.

There were other Macmails this last week, including one exchange where a Mac supporter actually made the case---in utter seriousness--- that there were parallels between Bill Gates and Hitler.

It's almost unbelievable: How can anyone can see even a vague parallel between a man responsible for a genocidal world war and a geek who sells imperfect software? Trying to draw a parallel demeans the suffering of those who died in World War II, and falsely elevates the "suffering" of people who encounter a bug. It's absurd.

In a related but more amusing development, the Apple PR department apparently decided I'm unworthy of a loaner Mac. I guess they'll only cooperate with people who truly believe that Apple is above critique. If you suggest the unthinkable--- that perhaps Apple overprices its hardware, for example, or is too restrictive in its licensing, or has made any other missteps--- you'll be punished. Bad Fred, bad Fred!  8-)

It's funny. Microsoft has the reputation for playing hardball, but in all the times I've slammed Microsoft, their PR staff has never been anything but professional and cooperative. Even when they were totally honked off at me (and told me so), they still worked with me. And now noble Apple--- the "good guys," with their different thinking and superior attitude---tries to take petty revenge on a columnist whose opinions they disagree with. It's hilarious!  8-)

Be that as it may, if the Mac really is to return to the mainstream of computing, the rabid supporters really need to grow up and realize that it's only a computer--- not life itself. And Apple's PR department has to grow a much thicker skin.

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The idea's been tried before, but finally---with today's powerful processors and abundant RAM---it looks like someone's pulled it off: "VMware" allows multiple operating system environments to run concurrently using the same hardware resources.

That's a far cry from what we normally face today if we want to run, say, Linux, the BeOS and Windows on the same box. Now, we have to reboot between sessions and use a partitioning scheme plus a boot manager to affect the changes. And generally speaking, it's an either/or proposition: It's one OS at a time and more or less one file system at a time.

But VMware takes a different approach. As you might guess, the "VM" in VMware stands for "virtual machine." In the company's own words, when you run VMware, it creates a "Virtual Platform" which is "a thin software layer… [that works by] transparently multiplexing all hardware resources into multiple virtual machines, each resembling the underlying machine."

Because the Virtual Platform isn't an emulator (such as WINE or WABI), but instead runs an app on its native OS, there's much less of a performance hit: The company claims "the overhead of VMware Virtual Platform can be as low as 3%-5%."

A beta of a Linux version is available now, with NT to follow soon.

In all, it sounds super: In fact, it sounds like a must-have piece of software for anyone needing to work with multiple OSes.

But wait! (You knew there had to be a catch, right?) Here's the potential snag: The software will cost $300 a pop. In an era when you can buy an entire PC, including an OS, for under $300, and when OSes themselves go for $100, or $50, or are downloadable for free, paying $300 just for a virtual machine seems a bit pricey. It's not that $300 in itself is a huge barrier; it just seems very out of whack with real-life street prices for other software.

And that could be a mistake. VMware is software that could achieve enormous distribution as more and more people look beyond Microsoft's offerings and start to experiment with other OSes. But rather than go for wide distribution, it looks like VMware is aiming for much lower volume with a much higher margin per box.

There's a lot more information than I can possibly fit here, but you can get a ton more detail in my InformationWeek column this week. And then I'd love to hear your views: Has VMware created something great--- only to hobble it with a too-high price? Or is the software good enough that the price won't matter, and cross-platform developers will snap it up anyway? Do you think VMware will find a home in your company or operation? Or with PC prices so cheap now, would you prefer to rely on separate boxes for each OS, thus ensuring total isolation and zero overhead? Join in a week-long discussion starting Wednesday (14-Apr-99) midday (EST; UT-5) at http://www.informationweek.com/langaletter !

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Reader Dave W. Beauvais (daveb@infinet.com) sends this along--- it's not computer specific, but some are very funny:

Bad Marketing Translations

The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"

Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious pornographic magazine.

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I Saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).

Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed  to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant"

When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

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See you next issue!

Best,

Fred

(fred@langa.com)

(P.S. Please email the LangaList to a friend! Use this super-fast form !)

An easier-to read formatted HTML version is available in the "what's new" section of http://www.langa.com . All past LangaList issues are also available via the same link.

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